Revision Process for Profiles

I took full advantage of the opportunity to revise my drafts for both essays of project two. The first step I took was to read the peer revisions we had done in class. It was beneficial to see another person’s point of view of my both essays. The first revision I made was correcting the MLA format. The headings did not need to be double spaced and I needed to fix the header at the top of each page. In the peer revision it said that my thesis sentences were a little confusing and needed to be revised. For both essays I revised the thesis sentences to make it correlate with the rest of the essay. Also, the introduction and conclusion paragraphs needed to be connected to each other and I repeated my thesis sentence in a different way in the conclusions. Next, I corrected any spelling or grammatical errors I saw and omitted unnecessary words. In the magazine essay I flip flopped two paragraphs to make it more organized and easier to understand. Also, my quotes were not properly integrated and needed additional revising. After completing these revisions I switch around sentences and added in details to make it easier to read. Finally I read each of the essays out loud to myself to hear if there were any further corrections that needed to be made.   

 Here is a website for revision strategies:

http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/revision.html

Reflection on "Se Habla Espanol"

The narrative Se Habla Espanol by Tanya Barrientos showed me that no matter what race or ethnicity one is there is always going to be that struggle of fitting in. It seemed to me that Tanya Barrientos went through an identity crisis because she didn’t know if she wanted to be the all American girl or stay true to her Spanish heritage. Barrientos wanted to fit in at school and in society, which is something I can relate to. During my early teen years I wanted to fit in at school. I did this by wearing certain clothes and talking and acting a certain way. I conformed to the rest of society. It wasn’t till I got older when I began to see myself as a unique person and came out of my shell. I am continuing to find myself and only time will allow this to happen. Tanya Barrientos began to break out of her shell when she wanted to go back to her Spanish roots. She did this by taking a Spanish class and hiring tutors. She is still uncertain about who she was meant to be, but time will also help her see this.

Here is a website with a recoring of the narrative:

http://mainehumanities.org/podcast/archives/tag/tanya-maria-barrientos

Thesis Possiblities For Profiles

There are several thesis sentences that I have considered for my two profile essays. For the first essay on career goals I want to express the importance of having career goals and include the dedication that comes along with it. The first thesis I have created is as follows, “Lucia  is a student at a local Community College who has a prominent plan to graduate college at the top of her class in hopes of having a successful career that she is inspired by.”  Another quote I have considered is, “For one to accomplish their career goals it takes a drive within to overcome any obstacles that may arise.”  For the second essay I wanted to describe Lucia as an interesting person and I have also written two thesis sentences for this essay. The first one I wrote was, “Lucia is a positive young woman that has hopes, dreams, ambitions that she wants to overcome and is consistently working in the right direction to overcome the odds.” The second one I wrote for the magazine essay is as follows, “Lucia is a creative, hard working individual who has many hopes and dreams she is striving to accomplish.” The following options are clear thesis sentences for both essays.

Reflection on "Marching 100"

Marching Band 100

After reading the article about Ben Brock I now have an appreciation for all the hard work members of the summer band camp operated by the Marching 100 put in to create a masterpiece. The members of the band are extremely dedicated because they with stand difficult working conditions such as, gnats, heat, and long hours. But they put these negatives aside and focus on the positives. This was encouraging for me to change how I look at situations because sometimes I tend to focus on the negatives rather than the positives. The band members dream is to succeed as a musical artist and they do whatever it takes to do so. It made me realize that if an individual is passionate about something they often will go to great lengths to achieve their hopes and dreams. Also, I was surprised to learn the amount of people involved in the band and that they come from all over the world to be a part of this once in a lifetime opportunity. Reading this article makes me want to take a chance and go outside of my comfort zone to become a part of something I love as well.

Here is a youtube video of one performance operated by the Marching 100:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LED-yVtDLo

Here is the website for the article:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/23/us/23bandcamp.html

Interview on College Classmate

After concluding the interview with a fellow classmate on the first day of English class I left with a good grasp of some of her career aspirations, academic goals, and information about herself. She inspired me because she has a strong dedication towards school and in her everyday life. I learned she is currently 21 years old and has a daughter who is two years old. She is very family oriented and she is close with her two sisters, two brothers, and her mother. Evidently, she considers her mother an inspiration because her mother is a single mom who works hard by working two jobs to provide for her family. She wants to provide for her family as well and this is what motivated her to go to college in hopes of finding a successful career. Becoming a social worker was an obvious profession for her to strive for because she enjoys helping people. She intends to graduate next year with her degree and to eventually work at mutual ground. There are many strengths she possesses, one being she feels she works well with others. She also feels she is a hard worker who can complete a task in timely manner. Once weakness she has is that she can be shy at times when she is put in an uncomfortable situation. She is working on this by starting off a conversation with someone she doesn’t know. Overall my fellow classmate is a friendly person who likes to think positive and be the best person she can be. 

Reflection on Johnny Depp Profile

Johnny Depp

After reading the profile about Johnny Depp it gave me a better understanding of who he is as a person. In my opinion Depp is different than most celebrities around the world because he is not interested in the fame or popularity that comes along with being a movie star; in fact he is appalled by it. Depp is an actor because he is passionate about doing something he loves and has no ulterior motive for being one. This made me respect Depp as a person because at times he has been perceived as strange for trying to escape the fame, but he stays true to himself and continues his lifestyle. Depp was constantly trying to find meaning and identity, which he finds once he has his first child, Lily-Rose. I can relate to this because as a young college student I’m trying to find what I was meant to do in this world and what is right for me. I know that with age and experience this will become clearer to me. 

Here is the website for the profile article:

Sean Smith: Unlikely Superstar

http://www.newsweek.com/2006/06/26/a-pirate-s-life.html